December 7, 2004

  • no one understands!!

    spoke to rosie on the way to DK today..... and i so understand her... or i should probably say someone finally understands me.... i guess ionly rosie and lappo understands: he is sooooooooooo disgusting! 

    no one really understands. and worse is others think that we have a problem. e.g. samuel kept telling us to forgive him, not to mistreat him etc etc etc....... but just try to spend some time with him and you will know............. what do you hate most about others saying about you? what is your painful spot? he will say it. and he thinks he is funny, and you get sooooooooo angry that you have palpitation and flushing and tremor etc. you get soooooo angry that you dont know how to react. then he will act that he is sorry and explain and explain and explain. even if you dont want to listen. he will explain explain explain. his lame reasons. made me more angry to hear those lame reasons. and he will continue and come up with explanations such as he had so much pressure these years, he came from a poor family, he failed once in year 3 etc etc etc.... and after the explanation, the conclusion is that its not his fault. then whose fault is it? the society? mine? those who dont understand will say at this point at least he tried? at least he apologized? forgive him la!!!.....................................

    NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!!! he will act as if he was the victim, coz we always penalize him, coz we mistreat him and he will be the poor little sheep. the innocent little sheep abused by us. but he never think of what he did in the first place!!! and due to the reactions of the people who dont understand, i end up pondering: am i really mistreating him? why do others also think i mistreat him? did i do wrong? what have i done? is this my problem? why do i have a problem? why do i hate him? why is there so many hate?

    DO YOU UNDERSTAND? this is my conclusion after 1 year. this, is my experience. and this, is my emotional rollercoasters this past year. constantly living in disgust. constantly living in hate. constantly living in torture. sigh. but now i have grown. i have matured. and please listen to me. i have found the solution: JUST IGNORE HIM! i mean totally ignore him, as if he dont exist. dont talk to him. dont initiate a conversation. and dont even think of answering his conversations. dont listen to anything he says. that is what i mean by ignore him. treat him as invisible.

    but because no one understands, no one listens to me. they continue to provoke him and he continually say things that hurt ppl. "luckily" i have confronted him so harshly that he is  really scared of me. and he wont dare say anything about me. not to mention talk to me. i am sorry, i dont mean to treat him like that but i have to. its for my self protection. if not i will go crazy..... i mean continue to be crazy, coz i believe i was already crazy some time earlier. now, i guess i am safe. i guess i will be safe. and, like rosie, i will continue to countdown to the time when i can rid him from my world FOREVER.

Comments (2)

  • Same thing occuring to me, just that I can't ignore his odor and tics (sounds) ! so very annoying

    I understand your position, but, let's try to overcome together

  • fei por por, sometimes the best way to handle some ppl is to ignore them so they can't hurt/annoy/trouble you.  been reading your entries and even tho i don't know that person personally i hv a pretty good idea how unwelcomed he is.  when the line is crossed there's nth wrong in doing what must be done.  haha i understand wor... been there, done that.

    haha add oil with ur revision la....

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