i am amazed how this person can still affect me after one whole year. even not seeing him and severing all contacts for one year. current HO at QM medical. to be surgeon at PWH. better known as "dee dee" in our group or 大帝 (the great king). the reason of my agony of specialty clerkship. the menace of my year 5. the "present" M05 and michael (ban cheung) gave me for specialty clerkship grouping. i had always stressed that M05 should give me a prize for taking this person as partner for one whole year. a compensatory prize for my great sacrifice. my suffering in return for the relief of all other girls in class.

anyways, i heard this statement about me lately. he said i hated him so much because he didnt show interest in me for the past year. because he didnt "chase" me .........................................................

i was really angry to hear it. really angry. but, angry for maybe 3 minutes. because i suddenly felt enormous pity for this person. he had to derrogate others to build his image. as usual. so typical of him. because he had no image at all. and in a desperate move he had to tell one lie and another to try to build an image. how pathetic. and i was even less angry when i heard other people's reaction to this statement. disbelief of its ridiculosity. hilarous for its absurdity. i realized i dont need to be angry at all. i dont need to take this seriously at all. i have dear friends who know me and believe me. i have 5-year classmates who know him and would disregard him. and those who believed in this rumor are probably unimportant people that i dont care.

nonetheless, its so typical of him. and it reminded me of the reason for my distress and agony during specialty clerkship. this person. this pathetic attention-seeking person who wanted to be the most popular guy in class. but the actual fact was quite the contrary. this miserable person with multiple personality disorders. he, on the first day of meeting a girl, i.e. me, would ask "how much do you weigh?". and on the first day of meeting a boy(ah lau) would say, as if its a joke "you have kidney failure (impotence)??" he would address katie, the repeater of our class as "big sister" in a disrespectful manner. he regarded joanne as "his personal secretary", and commanded her to take notes for him... he really had the ability to say things that disgust/ annoy/ irriate anyone/ everyone. he arranged an extra lesson with Dr J Ko during psychiatry clerkship and then attended it himself without telling anyone. and then he had to gloat about it afterwards of how much he learnt and how interesting it was. he had already fulfilled his 10 deliveries during OG clerkship, but still invited himself to other peoples' sessions without their permission. he practically robbed anna's delivery when she only had 3 and needed 7 more to go. he clerked the potential cases for medical clerkship CCT and still hadnt uploaded the information onto the web at 1130pm the night before the exam. he promised to mail MRCS applications for his best buddies (christopher and simon, although they dont take him as their best buddy), and ended up only mailed his own. and of course, as usual, he had loads of explanations for the above acts. reasons. confessions you must hear. defence of his innocence. but we all knew his character and we no longer listened to his stupid reasons. in dismay, he would act like an innocent little sheep who was accused, misunderstood and condemned wrongly..... gou meng. help me 

and how i dealt with him for the past year.... of course, i tried to bear with him. but it couldnt last a week. i was too annoyed. then i tried to let him know my feelings politely using social cues such as glances, comments. but these were obviously ineffective. eventually, my annoyance heightened and my tolerance exceeded its limit. in the end i had to confront him. i still remembered that half an hour when i was on the phone talking non stop, pointing out how disgusting and annoying he was, listing examples and incidents that he couldnt deny. that was a magical hour. i was rude and mean but i felt so relieved. then, feeling that i had been too extreme, i wrote him an email to apologize. but i again illustrated and listed examples of how he disgusted us and annoyed us. how he demanded respect from us when he showed no respect to himself and anyone. he replied my email the next day, telling me he would try to change. i was glad we communicated, and things seemed fine for a while. but then, at 930am on the day after paedi CCT. i was still in bed, sleeping. he phoned me and asked me if i had time for a drink. my reaction of course was no. because i didnt see why i want/need to meet him for a drink. but he insisted he had something to tell me. and he started to tell me about his family... his fathers' business... his mothers' family... his growing up.... how he really wanted to be popular.... how he wanted himself to look good so he spent the night before thinking of what to wear and matching his clothes... he said he was so stressed during these 5 years in medical school... stress stress stressed out.... but sorry, i didnt buy it. because i believed everyone was stressed out. everyone had their own problems. stress is not an excuse. and i told him dont bullshit with me..... and so, he started to cry... no... sob.... on the phone... to me... at 930 in the morning... day after paedi CCT.... while i was still in bed... a 25 year old guy.... sobbing to his girl classmate.............. i really wanted to slam the phone. but at that point, i guess anyone would have some sympathy. even a cynical, mean person like me. i pitied him. so i held onto the phone. and listened. and he kept on crying... in the end, i had to comfort him.... i told him gently he should try to find ways to relieve his stress. and he told me he like to swim and play the violin.... then he told me he was frustrated because he knew he was not popular in class. he thinks that people misunderstood him. so i tried to sound encouraging and told a white lie that he could change it. so long as he changed his behaviour first. i told him that people will forget and people will welcome him again.... i felt as if i was pampering my younger brother. only my bro was 4 years younger and this guy was 6 months older than me.... anyways, after this incident, he did seemed to be silenced for a while. but personality never change. and soon the menace was back. even angels like lappo was annoyed and lost her cool with him. even compassionates like samuel and sing finally understood why i was so frustrated and angry. in the end, my ultimate way of dealing with him, after one whole year of experience, trial and error and actual experimentation. the most effective way to deal with him, was to ignore him completely. completely. neglect his presence. disregard him. dont talk to him. act as if he doesnt exist. then there will be less chance, a slightly less chance  he could annoy or irritate you. in the end, i guess he was terrified of me. i was so obvious with my animosity. my presence meant his disappearance. and my glare would shut him up (but not effective everytime, unfortunately). who is the victim? him? me? i dont know. but its definitely a lose-lose situation, and i guess both sides suffered.

this incident reminded me of that year. specialty clerkship. year 5. my blog had been a record of it. people around me had been a witness to it. and i believe its time to make a closure. i had suffered. and i had been in agony. i had been impolite. and i had wronged. i prayed. and i tried. but sorry, i couldnt be friends with this person. as joyce taught me which i always remembered. you cant be friends with everyone... i dont hate him anymore. i dont need to. because i dont need to have anything to do with him anymore. he was a classmate. he was a groupmate. and that was history. the memory may be painful and miserable. but the memory also reminded me of the support and love from my groupmates. every one of them. every memory of Mr D was attached with a good memory of how my groupmates and classmates helped me. thank you. i was so lucky to have so many good friends. they helped me through this. they supported me through this. and because of their love and support, i now can deal with this sudden attack. this unexpected assault myself. i am not angry. and i am not affected anymore. i am fine, very fine, thank you.